I lack the fight response, and rely solely on flight

I am terrified of pests. When I was 23, I saw a mouse in my apartment...and spent the night at a hotel. When I was 25, I called the maintenance man in my complex and begged him to come remove the dead frog from my porch. Before I knew The Husband, I used to call my friend's husband to come catch the garden lizards that would get in my house. I simply cannot deal with anything larger than a roach.

So, I was standing in the kitchen today making lunch and heard this loud buzzing, rustling sound. My heart stopped beating. The Boy's ears perked up. I ran from the room, trying to figure out what kind of animal could have gotten into our house. I peeked back into the kitchen and saw it...my freaking cell phone vibrating on the plastic bag I had set it on.

Moron.